i will always love you, vol 1.

A new feature here on Spaztastic Adventures, titled "I Will Always Love You," which should ALWAYS be sung/read in your greatest Whitney voice. These are the things/places that I'll never EVER get sick of, so much so that I'm proclaiming it in my blog. I'll dig this page up 3 or 4 years from now and I better still like this stuff. Screw fads, this stuff is here to stay.

First installment: the bar I will always love: Dan's Cafe

Have you ever thought that your local liquor store would be the perfect bar? The essentials are already there; you’d just need to add some stools, a decent countertop, maybe a pool table and a blurry TV if you’re feeling spendy. Apparently this is the thought process that some guy named Dan had when opening Dan’s Café in Adams Morgan.

From the outside the blue and white windowless building looks like it should be condemned, and things don’t improve when you enter. The first thing you’ll notice is the smell: a nauseating mix of stale beer, urine, and chlorine. After an hour or two you won’t notice the smell until you wake up the next morning and it’s still hanging on your clothes. This is one place that didn’t benefit from the smoking ban: smoke smells better. There are a few booths lined up along the back wall: be careful, they’re shoddily put together and you may find yourself sitting on a rusty nail or two. If you’re in the mood for a round of pool, this isn’t your place: the pool table is just there for decoration and the cover never comes off. It’s best used as a coat check. Be sure not to look up: you’ll see hanging “silk” plants covered in inches of dust and Dan’s inability to pick just one kind of wall covering (there’s fake brick, wallpaper, and linoleum, just to name a few).

The bar has built-in cup holders to aid its impaired patrons: at Dan’s you’ll need all the help you can get. They serve beer at decent prices but that’s not what brings the boys to the yard. No, it’s the mixed drinks that keep you liquored up and wanting more. Dan’s isn’t a one drink at a time kind of place. When you ask for a gin and tonic, you’ll receive a carafe of gin, a mini bottle of tonic, a bucket of ice and some limes: a starter kit for 3 highly potent drinks. The price depends on the caliber of liquor you choose, but it’ll usually set you back $12-$16. If that’s not enough, shots are served bulk (6 or 7 at a time) in squeeze bottles and are equally well priced.

Be sure to stop by the ATM on your way to Dan’s as it’s cash only. You’ll be hard-pressed to spend more than $25 here, unless you’re prepared to not remember the night or you really want to hear Sweet Home Alabama on the jukebox just one more time.