an ode to stupidity.

So today it's raining. It rained yesterday, too. To be honest I'm cool with it because it's starting to finally feel a bit like fall. The whole point of this little weather report is to validate the point of this point, which is that Crocs remove humans' ability to be classified as intelligent beings. You may think this is an outlandish statement and for that I will tell you that you are WRONG you Croc-lover.

This morning, as I'm waiting for the bus (ps. I HATE you this week, Metro. Come back to me soon.) I see a relatively cute guy who's dressed all outdoorsy: North Face coat, cords, backpack, etc. But his shoes. Oh dear Lord his shoes. Baby blue Crocs with woolen socks underneath. Now I ask you, dear readers, to please explain to me why on EARTH someone would look outside, see that it's raining, and decide that this was the perfect opportunity to don his shoes that have HOLES in them. Aren't his socks going to get all gross and wet? I'm aware he's wearing wool socks that wick moisture, but why would he even put himself in this position? It hurts my head to think about.

After staring (not inconspicuously) at his shoes for a good 10 minutes, I came to the realization that I just don't think I could be friends with someone who wears Crocs. It's not a "I can't be friends with non-fashionable people" thing at all. It's a difference in thinking, in brain function. I can't look at Croc-wearer and respect them as an intelligent human being. I just can't do it. I know we've all made our own fashion mistakes due to trends, but this is one that I'll just never understand. Rubber shoes with holes in them. At least the jellies that I lived in as a young girl were sparkly! The justification of them being comfortable or whatever is just shit. I don't believe it. I don't care if it feels like you're walking on clouds, mister: your shoes still have gaping holes in them.

Stupid quote of the day (courtesy of Bex):
"Many people die from cold-related deaths every winter. And there are studies that say that climate change in certain areas of the world would help those individuals" -- WH press sec. Dana Perino, staying positive ( Examiner).
*she's probably a Croc-wearer. Because creating ugly ass shoes out of fossil fuels is even MORE genius!

back to life, back to reality.

I'm on my 5th mug of green tea for the day (yay antioxidants!) and I feel like a new woman. Except when I move. Then pain shoots through my neck and shoulders and makes me want to cry/get a serious massage. I remember driving from ATL to Ohio solo with no problems. Oh, my youth.

The weekend was awesome, except for the whole driving through massive traffic/torrential downpour part. Margo's place is oh-so-awesome, as were her pumpkin muffins. We had to go to a leadership summit for all day on Saturday but it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. I had great fun catching up with Baderg and Jimbo (former bosses) as well as all of the other Funders. Denison looked as beautiful as always and Granville is just the cutest thing ever. Sitting outside of Whit's after a stroll down Broadway made me seriously consider quitting, packing up, and moving to Granville. It's hard not to love, especially when the leaves are changing. Besides the pumpkin crop being so terrifyingly low, Ohio was in it's full fall force.

After the summit on campus and the Whit's downtown, we met up with Andy and Co. for a quick beer at Brews (CHIMAAAAY!). Quick dinner with all the ladies at The Happy Greek and then more Chimay along with some Catchphrase and re-connecting with The Loff (yes roommate, that's my new nickname for you. Rhymes with The Hoff. Pretty awesome, I know). We imbibed a bit in the Arena District, hit up an awesome gyro cart, set off some security lighting, and finally made our way back to the Loff's house. I've got to say it was nice to be in a "real" house. I know I live in a house, but it's never the same when you're renting.

The Loff's parents provided us with a pretty awesome breakfast, complete with cupcakes, and then we set off on our journey to find the best Halloween costumes of all time. I'm not going to give away what we're going to be, but let's just say: mission accomplished.

So now it's back to the grind. Today was going okay until I got a skeezy phone call about an hour ago. It was a guy that I had met at the Yelp Elite party 2 weeks ago. He's not a Yelper-- I just ended up talking to him at the restaurant for a bit, he was with friends, I was drunk and telling them about Yelp. Well, I apparently mentioned where I worked because HE TRACKED ME DOWN. I did not give him a card, a number, my last name, anything. He called the main number and somehow got transferred to me. I gave him zero signs that I was interested, except maybe in my drunken antics he was mistaken. Well, he wants to take me out to dinner and apparently won't take no for an answer. I think I've bought myself some time (like 2 or 3 days) until he calls back but I don't know his number so I can't screen. Ugh. Why do normal cute guys not track me down? I suppose because tracking a girl down after she mentions where she works makes you so not cute and normal.

save sparky!

To any Atlanta readers:

A $5,800 reward has been posted for any details leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for the torture of this dog.

When: Thursday, July 26th, in the afternoon

Where: On Frontage Road just off Interstate 75, Exit 237, Clayton County

What: Male, late 2os, early 30s in age, driver of silver single-cab pickup truck, dark hair, medium build, dragging a dog whose leash was attached to the rear bumper.

Call Atlanta Pet Rescue and Adoption: 404.643.2332

To any other readers who'd like to donate to Sparky's medical bills:

The News Story

Sparky's story on APR

To donate to Sparky's Fund

hey men, listen up!

I don't know what we ladies are going to have to do to get through to you! Women are always complaining about the lack of decent guys in this city, and after this weekend, I'm beginning to agree with them. You all obviously didn't have the proper father figure to teach you how to talk to women, so I'm going to give you a couple of pointers.

1. It's 2007 so I thought this was a well known fact, but apparently not. Pick up lines do not work. They never will, unless used in a completely ironic/funny way.
2. When talking to a woman wearing big hoop earrings, it's probably not a good time to expunge your theory on how women who wear big earrings just want to get laid.
3. Don't wear gold chains. Ever. That also applies to rings with any kind of gem in them, shoes that have both leather AND velcro, and pants with a hammer loop.
4. When getting ready to go out, lay off that extra spritz of cologne, the second pass of hair gel, and button that button right back. We all know you're a man, we don't need to see your chest hair.
5. When you're talking to a woman, it might help to actually pay attention to her reaction to you. Are her arms crossed? Is she scanning the room for someone, anyone, an exit of some sort? Does she answer your questions curtly? Does she turn down your offer for another drink? Does she tell you she has to go to the other side of the bar to call a friend? If so, just thank her for her time and walk away. Don't ask for her number. That's just awkward. And for the love of God, don't touch her. Not even on the arm. That's when you get bitchslapped.

We're really not all that scary. Feel free to approach us. If you're funny, not skeezy, and don't take yourself too seriously, you'll probably have a good conversation.