hey men, listen up!

I don't know what we ladies are going to have to do to get through to you! Women are always complaining about the lack of decent guys in this city, and after this weekend, I'm beginning to agree with them. You all obviously didn't have the proper father figure to teach you how to talk to women, so I'm going to give you a couple of pointers.

1. It's 2007 so I thought this was a well known fact, but apparently not. Pick up lines do not work. They never will, unless used in a completely ironic/funny way.
2. When talking to a woman wearing big hoop earrings, it's probably not a good time to expunge your theory on how women who wear big earrings just want to get laid.
3. Don't wear gold chains. Ever. That also applies to rings with any kind of gem in them, shoes that have both leather AND velcro, and pants with a hammer loop.
4. When getting ready to go out, lay off that extra spritz of cologne, the second pass of hair gel, and button that button right back. We all know you're a man, we don't need to see your chest hair.
5. When you're talking to a woman, it might help to actually pay attention to her reaction to you. Are her arms crossed? Is she scanning the room for someone, anyone, an exit of some sort? Does she answer your questions curtly? Does she turn down your offer for another drink? Does she tell you she has to go to the other side of the bar to call a friend? If so, just thank her for her time and walk away. Don't ask for her number. That's just awkward. And for the love of God, don't touch her. Not even on the arm. That's when you get bitchslapped.

We're really not all that scary. Feel free to approach us. If you're funny, not skeezy, and don't take yourself too seriously, you'll probably have a good conversation.