Monday, January 14, 2008


Living on my side of the office (yes, the side opposite all of the "cool kids" but Erin), I see a lot of interns go in and out of this place. Some manage to leave the organization without leaving much of a footprint, while others will be remembered for quite some time....

1. Jon, the most obnoxious intern of all time. He walked in here thinking he owned the place, would listen to awful music sans headphones, and would just sit around and watch YouTube all day. He managed to get all of the other summer interns to think he was the cool kid, and they'd follow him around like puppies. One of my favorite interns saw through his shit and titled him "Pomposity Incarnate." He actually had one of those stupid Staples "Easy" buttons that made obnoxious sounds. There was an unfortunate incident involving Jell-o and that button, but we won't go into detail on that. Let's just say it wasn't pretty... and it's all Erin's fault. We all celebrated when he left. Ugh.

2. The young man that replaced Jon had the same name of a famous rehab-friendly celebrity, which cracked us all up. He spent his days on the phone: chatting with friends, calling for job interviews, and signing up for medical research. I'm not kidding. I think that's how he made his money. You know, the money he spent on his fake Burberry jacket he got off eBay. Among his facebook activities he lists "being perfect," "feeling better," "cleaning up," and "making salad." We learned recently that he did absolutely nothing during his entire tenure here. Well done, friend.

3. Not all of our interns are worthless. In fact, some of them are more productive than the "real" staff. For a couple of months (almost a year, actually) we had no communications department. None. Then someone decided to hire a communications intern (hooray!) who was fabulous. Not only did she get shit done, but she was fantastic and funny. Yay for her! Sadly, they hired a new Communications staffer that "goes to the gym" for 4 hours each day and spends his time cruising gay dating websites and printing out porn on the shared printers, so our lovely little intern went to the Hill. So sad.

4. And that brings us to today (yes, I've skipped over many of our interns, but most of them were pretty quiet and just kind of went with the flow) where the two interns that sit next to me seem to be nice enough guys. They've only been here for a little while and I'm kind of in love with them already. Why? Because every morning I get to come in and say "Hello, Guido" with complete seriousness and then turn to say "Oh, hi Vladimir!" Guido and Vladimir. A match made in heaven.

...also Guido sounds EXACTLY like the butler from Mr. Deeds. It's freaky.


Virginia said...

Hahaha your interns sound funny. And you have a Vladmir and a Guido?! We have an Ernie...and that's it. You win.

Katelin said...

Man I should write about some of our interns too, we could share some good stories, haha.

erin said...

i followed our new communications staffer out of the metro and down the street this morning. he's a spitter. so gross.