happy weekend, y'all!

I'm a town in Carolina, I'm a detour on a ride
For a phone call and a soda, I'm a blur from the driver's side
I'm the last gas for an hour if you're going twenty-five
I am Texaco and tobacco, I am dust you leave behind

I am peaches in September, and corn from a roadside stall
I'm the language of the natives, I'm a cadence and a drawl
I'm the pines behind the graveyard, and the cool beneath their shade, where the boys have left their beer cans
I am weeds between the graves.

My porches sag and lean with old black men and children
Their sleep is filled with dreams, I never can fulfill them
I am a town.

I am a church beside the highway where the ditches never drain
I'm a Baptist like my daddy, and Jesus knows my name
I am memory and stillness, I am lonely in old age; I am not your destination
I am clinging to my ways
I am a town.

I'm a town in Carolina, I am billboards in the fields
I'm an old truck up on cinder blocks, missing all my wheels
I am Pabst Blue Ribbon, American, and "Southern Serves the South"
I am tucked behind the Jaycees sign, on the rural route
I am a town
I am a town
I am a town
Southbound.

ready for vacay.

How am I supposed to get this massive amount of work done when all I can think of is this?

daily randoms.

1) Why don't they make dirty birthday cards for grandmothers? I think my grandmother would call me up and yell at me if I sent her one of those sappy ones with flowers and a poem. Instead, I usually have to stick to the classic dirty card with no mention of it being for my grandmother. I guess she really is a special one.

2) I'm so ready for it to be fall that I'm pretty much just skipping September in my head. I'm already making plans to go to the Haunted Forest up in Maryland and I'm prepping myself for weekends full of Billy Martin's pumpkin pancakes. I mean, September's a pretty worthless month anyway. Not really summer, not really fall. Booooring.

3) For those of you not living in this great nation's capital of ours, you may not know about the ridiculocity of our cab system. Instead of being a metered fare like every other city in the world, DC has to be "special" and charge according to zones. This means that even the most attuned DC resident usually has no idea how much their cab ride will cost, and it allows the DC cab drivers to charge whatever they want, and get away with it. Well kids, that ends today. I am going to single-handedly end the practice of cab drivers picking a price. With the help of this handy little calculator, I have figured out how much it will cost me to get from the boutique to the bar this evening. If the cab driver even attempts to overcharge me, he will certainly recieve a stern talking to, complete with maps and printouts. He won't know what hit him.

hi, mom!

Well, kids, we're in the presence of greatness. Bad Patsy has found my blog!

I guess I'll have to delete all those posts about my habitual drug use and salacious affairs with senators.... dang.

I kid, I kid, Madre! I'm glad you're reading :)

> sliced bread.

I just love discovering new things. Especially when they actually WORK. I'm one of "those people" who is more likely to try something new, just because it's new. I know, I know, as a communication major I should be able to resist advertising and the "newness" of a product, but I just can't help myself. However, with that said, when I find something that I love, I stick to it and never, ever waver. Like, ever.

For example, I decided back in early 2005 that I was going to start wearing blush. Most of the girls my age didn't wear it for fear of looking like an old lady, but I genuinely thought it would help cut the roundness of my face. On one fateful day in Sephora, I found my NARS Orgasm and have never looked back. I've worn it every single day of my life since. If they were to ever discontinue it (fools!) I honestly don't know what I would do. I know, this is a pretty major ode to some minerals crushed together in a beautiful peachy pink sheen, but I feel strongly about this product and how it makes me look. Yay, NARS!

All of this being said, I love to spread the news and joy of finding a new favorite product. I want to shout it from the rooftops. Not gonna lie: I sometimes hang out in the NARS section of Sephora and accost passers-by into trying on the blush. Those Sephora people should start giving me commission, because I swear I've turned at least 4 or 5 unknowing women into believers.

So, without further ado, I give you the first installment of my newest blog series: "better than sliced bread." These products are Kiki-tested, Kiki-approved.

The almighty Band-Aid Blister Block Stick.

This little deodorant-like stick will save your feet, I swear. You know those fabulous 4 inch stilettos sitting in your closet, that you've worn once but promised your poor feet that it would be the last time? Never again. Through many years of research, I have found that it takes a minimum of two full days of wear for a shoe to no longer give you blisters, but once broken in, those once-painful shoes could become one of your most comfortable pairs. This magic stick will get you through those first two wears, no problem. Just apply the stick liberally along your heels and anywhere else you expect the shoe to rub, and voila! You'll be blister free all day long. Just be sure to apply BEFORE the blisters begin to form. Otherwise, might I recommend these:

friday fabulousness.

Because on Friday, all I want to do is look at pretty things....

daily randoms.

1) Last night reminded me why I never drive anywhere anymore. Up until last night, I don't think that I had driven for over 2 weeks. I like it that way. I think it'll be another 2 weeks before I drive again. Wisconsin Avenue is a convenient place to live, but it really is a bitch of a street. The lights are never timed correctly, traffic is painful, and people tend to have no idea where they're going. Also, they seriously need to add a center lane that can be used as a left turn lane in both directions. Honestly. There was a big Yelp Elite event last night down on Capitol Hill, and I was, of course, running late. It took me a ridiculous hour and a half to get there (with a little detour in Bethesda, but still!). I mean, I could have had an additional 3 glasses of FREE wine in that time (and then definitely would not have been able to drive home, so I suppose things worked out in the end). From now on, I'm sticking with my public transportation: amorous bus driver and all.

2) I was out "sick" yesterday and it was incredible. Totally worth the stressful-ness of coming back this morning. Georgetown is a much more tolerable place on dreary non-weekend days: people in the stores actually help you! They're friendly, chatty, and it's a downright pleasant experience. I highly recommend it!

3) You may notice a new link list on the sidebar. It's a list of some of my most favorite online shopping venues. Obviously, I haven't included the "regulars" like Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Bluefly, ShopBop, Active Endeavors, etc. because I assume y'all already know about those and enjoy them (as you should!). Instead, these are some sites that I love that you may not know about. I'll try to update it often, and feel free to send me links of places you love!

4) By the way, the Elite party (and after party, planned by yours truly, of course) was a blast. I of course imbibed a bit too much, but how can you turn down free wine? Sonoma was awesome and if I ever had a reason to throw a party for 100-ish of my closest friends, I would definitely have it there. The event space is incredible, the food was delish, and the service was great. Sophisticated to the core.

shout out.

In completely other news, please read my good friend Margo's most recent post. It is by far one of the more hysterical things I've read in a while, and I'm just re-posting it because I miss her and love her and want to share her with the world!

And, as a side note, if you don't laugh out loud, please stop reading my blog.

makeup madness.

Call me vain, superficial, whatever you want, but one of the first things I think of when meeting a woman for the first time is what I would change about her makeup. Sure, there are some women who know what they're doing and look great, but it's a rarity in this town. I understand that a lot of people want to look "natural" or "fresh-faced," but there's a way to do that without showing ALL of your pores. Just 3 or 4 products would make a huge difference, trust me.

Makeup is all about finding colors and techniques that suit you: your complexion, face shape, best features, etc. I don't recommend all of these products for everybody, but I've been asked about my makeup routine many times, so here it is:

Step 1: Wash my face, either with my prescription stuff or once a week with this scrub:

Step 2: Moisturize. In the winter I use something more hard-core, but for the humid summer-time this works just fine (remember to find something with SPF!):

Step 3: After moisturizer sinks in, use spot concealer if needed and then apply MAC Studio Fix:

Step 4: Apply the shit, aka Nars Blush in Orgasm. I dust it along my cheekbones, all the way into my hairline, rather than rounding my face by applying on the apples of my cheeks:

Step 5: Your eyes. I normally dust a vanilla shimmery shade over the entire lid and up to the brows, like Cargo's Aspen. Then, depending on my mood/weather/what I'm wearing I'll apply a more vibrant color like MAC's Parfair Amour or Nars' Strada or Cleo either along my lash line or into my crease. If I'm feeling extra sassy (this is for daytime, people!), I'll smudge a little black liner (I use CoverGirl-- I can be cheap!) on the inside of my bottom lid. Finish off with DiorShow mascara on top lashes.

Step 6: Lips-- I usually stick to Gloss and MAC is my favorite, in Lychee Luxe, Underage, and Pink Lemonade (boo to MAC for not letting me steal their pictures!).

Voila! You're done. It's really pretty easy. Now, for nighttime makeup, that's a whole other story.....

weekend recap.

It was a really good weekend. One of those where you don't really have anything planned but you still have plenty to do. The insanely awesome weather was also a big plus.

Friday night, after a particulary horrendous night at work, I was super lame and came home to an empty house (my roommates, you know, have lives and stuff) and was in my pj's by 9:15. Glorious! I proceeded to watch Stacey London's new show and also one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies: Overboard, starring Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. C'mon. Admit it. You know you're jealous. On Saturday I slept far too late (woo!), went to work, and then met the girls at a housewarming party in AMo. It was the first time that I actually had a solid good time in AMo: I was drunk but not too drunk, met some new people (including this ridiculous late 20-something who wanted to give me advice on every aspect of my life), and ate some damn good falafel.

Sunday consisted of more work (blah), skipping out of work early (woo!), and heading to the 1st Annual YCCCBOC (Yelp Chocolate Chip Cookie Bake Off Competition). I was not able to make my oatmeal choc. chip wonders in time for the competition, so instead I just got to eat everyone else's. Damn. My cookies would have lost, big time. Let's just say that the winner for the best traditional, crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside cookie had her chocolate sent over from Belgium. $160 worth of chocolate. And yes, it was worth it. That cookie was.... the shit.

I apologize that this post is so boring, but you know, it's Monday. No updates on the bus driver as I took an earlier bus this morning, but I'm thinking that I'm not going to do anything, maybe just thank him but tell him I'm not interested.... or that I'm seeing someone (haha). I know, I'm lame and chickenshit. Plus, I met a cutie on the bus this morning: a new Glover Park-ian from Dallas, so maybe I will find love on the bus in the end...

an urban fairytale?

Well, at least that's Erin's description of my possible tryst with the bus driver.

My most loyal readers may remember that a rather attractive driver on the D1 passed me a note a couple of weeks ago. I was flattered, of course, but didn't really think much of it. I rode with the driver several times since, and we always made small talk, but yesterday things escalated a bit.

As soon as I sat down on the bus, he waved at me and asked if I had enjoyed the "article" he had given me. I told him, of course, it had made my day, and that I was very flattered. We made a bit of small talk throughout the ride (I'm Southern-- I talk to everyone) and when I got off he asked if he'd see me tomorrow. Well, I didn't know, I ride the bus every day, sometimes I see him, sometimes I don't.

This morning he was my driver again, and he was ready for me. As soon as I got on the bus, he handed me the Express and said "Check out the Entertainment section. I think there's something there that you'll like." Well, I actually wanted to read the paper, so I did. Once I got to the entertainment section, a piece of paper fell out with a handwritten note on it. It went a little something like this:

"Hello, my name is Mxxxx. Since the last note I have given, I am more attracted to you. I do not know if you are attracted to me. If you are, I would like for you to give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Maybe we could go out sometime, and discuss what you like about me! Maybe, you like how I maneuver/operate the bus. Well! That is a start! Haha! Regardless, please give me a call!"

I thought it was pretty cute, no? Not even any mispellings! Sure, there were some grammatical mistakes, but hey, things happen.

I know, it's ridiculous that I'm even considering this. He's at least 10 years older than me and he's a bus driver. But still, he's cute and he has the most incredible arms I've ever seen. Regardless, I can't see myself calling him. Ever. So what should I do? Slip him my phone number? A little flirtation never hurt anyone, but I am going to have to see this guy on a regular basis-- I love my D1 bus! It's got the cute little old man with his old school briefcase and fedora who tips the driver with a pack of Wrigley's gum and the little boy who rides to work with his dad. It's not crowded and I like it! Seriously, I need advice!

more fall fashion.

Fall is undeniably my favorite fashion season. The colors, cuts, and rich fabrics and textures just scream luxury. I love Fall in general. October is my favorite month of the year with the temperature dropping, a crisp breeze, colors changing, Halloween, and pumpkin pancakes at Billy Martin's. It doesn't get much better.

Here are a couple more of my favorite picks for this season (and yes, there will be many, many more posts like this in the coming weeks-- I just can't get enough of online "window" shopping)

Gucci Indy Large Top Handle: $3,990 at Neiman's

Marc Jacobs Satin and Python Pumps: $845 at Saks

Rick Owens Lilies Padded Funnel Neck Jacket: $640 at net-a-porter

Lux 2-Button Swing Jacket: $68 at Urban Outfitters

Rachel Pally Sweetheart Dress: $238 at tobi.com

Mike & Chris Nigel Jacket: $187 at tobi.com

Wish Charm necklaces: $38 at redenvelope.com

oh my.

Today marked a first for me and my blog: we received a hate-comment. I have now deleted the comment and the post that it referenced, but in case Mr./Ms. Anonymous is still reading, I just wanted to say something.

It's a little sad that you take the time out of your day to go on someone's blog (who, apparently, you don't even know) and say crude things about them. For my readers, I'll give some snippets: "You are an imbecile"and apparently this is "your pitiful excuse for a writing career." "I suggest looking both ways before you cross Mass. Ave, you may get knocked over by one of those oil-wasting machines to which you are so obviously superior. "

Ok, first off, I'm not an imbecile. I'm special. Mr. Rogers said so. Second, I've never claimed that I'm a writer. It's not what I currently do for a living and it's not what I'd like to do for a living. Sure, I like to write, but I don't make a habit out of it and I'd frankly feel weird making money off of words that I put on a page. The term "writing career" is lost on me. Third, I'm lucky I don't cross Mass. Ave. all that often. Wisconsin would be another story- that's a real threat. And finally, yes, I am superior to oil-wasting machines. The human body is designed to function off of renewable resources (water, glucose, etc.) and creates minimal waste. I also have a brain and opposable thumbs and can reason. So there.

This blog is for fun. If you take offense to any post I make, feel free to comment! I love a good sparring match as much as any other DC resident. But please, let's not make personal attacks on one another. This is just a place for me to vent and share my opinions as much as any other blog and perhaps it shouldn't be taken quite so seriously. Can't we all just get along?

is it friday yet?

The Boss-Man: We're only $10,000 away from our dinner goal!
Me: Oh, yes. I saw that. I think we'll have no problem reaching it before the dinner (in late October).
The Boss-Man: Yes, I'd really like to reach it today. Can you figure out a way to do that? It'd be great. Thanks.
Me: ....

So today's goal is to get some company to give us $10,000. Problem is, we've already contacted everyone, and they're obviously avoiding our calls. Annnnd, if they talk to anyone, it ain't gonna be me. Ugh. Why oh why did I think that this is what I wanted to do with my life?!?

save sparky!

To any Atlanta readers:

A $5,800 reward has been posted for any details leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for the torture of this dog.

When: Thursday, July 26th, in the afternoon

Where: On Frontage Road just off Interstate 75, Exit 237, Clayton County

What: Male, late 2os, early 30s in age, driver of silver single-cab pickup truck, dark hair, medium build, dragging a dog whose leash was attached to the rear bumper.

Call Atlanta Pet Rescue and Adoption: 404.643.2332

To any other readers who'd like to donate to Sparky's medical bills:

The News Story

Sparky's story on APR

To donate to Sparky's Fund

oh, i wish i were an oscar mayer weiner...

This is quite possibly the most random post of all time, but I've got 2 things to say.



1) What crazy Chicago ticket officer would give the Weinermobile a parking ticket?!? I mean, honestly- it's the Weinermobile! You can't ticket that! The Weinermobile was often parked at a random hotel that was on my way to school and it greeted me nearly every morning. It's got a special place in my heart.

2) One of the interns apparently just bought a big thing of bologna, because he/she has made a bologna sandwich EVERY DAY for the past week or so. It smells rancid. Who above the age of 10 eats a bologna sandwich, anyway?? Stop making the office smell like processed meat!

monday motivation.

I'm a loyal reader of the PostSecret blog. If you haven't heard of it, people can mail in postcards anonymously and tell secrets about themselves, their lives, etc. It's a stunning idea and the cards I read every Monday morning are always really interesting and moving.

Here's a pretty cool movie about that was posted on their site yesterday. I suggest you check it out:

happy weekend.

a girl can dream.

Now that Restaurant Week is over (for me at least!) and I am at my fattest and brokest, what's better than a little online browsing? Fall is by far my favorite fashion season and this year is looking like a great one.

Here are a couple of lust-worthy things that I've put in my shopping bag, fully knowing that I'll never be able to push that "checkout" button.

Christian Louboutin Lady Gres Platforms: $865.00

Derek Lam Asymmetrical Holster Coat: $2,890.00

Dior Tweed Kimono Dress: $3,240.00

Nanette Lepore Tantalizing Trousers: $215.00

Zac Posen Iris Blouse: $900

Ralph Lauren Black Label Casey Metallic Silk Ascot Blouse: $698.00

Le sigh.

i'm a believer!

Ok, shit. Ignore my last post.

I just got a free online palm reading, this is what it said:

First let's take a look at your Life Line. You have the best kind of Life Line, long and clearly marked. This shows that you will possess good health, vitality and a very nice life expectancy. The wide swooping motion of your Life Line indicates strength, enthusiasm and an improved love life. The little lines you see extending downward from your Life Line are indicators of your tendency to waste your energy.

Now let's see what your Head Line had to say. Your Head Line is deep, long and straight, stretching across the palm. This indicates a logical and direct way of thinking. The straighter the line, the more realistic the thinking, and the deeper the line, the better the memory. Having your Head Line and Heart Line separated shows a love for adventure and an enthusiasm for life.

The last line we'll look at is your Heart Line. A slight disregard to the true meaning of love and its responsibilities are indicated by a Heart Line like yours that starts between the middle and index finger. You tend to easily give your heart away. Your chained Heart Line is an indication that your life is sometimes bothered by emotional tensions.

You have a spade-shaped hand. This is the hand of an inventor. You are probably very good with all things mechanical. Often those who've forged new paths in science and engineering have a spade-shaped hand. Women who have this type of hand enjoy do-it-yourself projects (decorating and sewing). It also gives these women a manual dexterity greater than most men have.


I can't believe a free online reading was more accurate than the $10 I paid to some crackpot in Georgetown. Figures. Now, on to find my "shoe line"...

mystikal.

I don't believe in astrology.

There- I said it!

I think it's a bunch of crap and a way to allow people to justify their actions. They can easily read in to these open-ended "predictions" and make what they want out of them. If a horoscope is off, they can blame it on the moons and planets being misaligned and when the horoscope is accurate they can say that astrology is a real science that can actually predict a person's day/romantic life/soulmate/whatever.

My distaste for it might have something to do with my general skepticism for a higher power/fate/destiny/and other dreamy, romantic notions. Do I believe in soulmates? No, not really. Fate? I think some things happen for a reason, but are they pre-ordained from the beginning of time? I think not.

In my old age I'm learning that I'm not quite the romantic I once thought I was. I'm pragmatic and rational: a scientist. I believe in evolution and adaptation and (in the everyday sense) learning from your mistakes and having your decisions reflect that. I pushed the cursor on the Ouija board when I was a kid and never believed all of those "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board" games. Sure, I dream about things and wish that what I want will fall into my lap, but I don't usually expect it to happen. If you want success, you've got to work for it. If you want a different life, you're going to have to change it yourself: no one's going to do it for you. I suppose that's the Irish in me.

Apparently, all of this "deep thought" goes out of my head when I have a couple of drinks in me, hence I went to a palm reader on Friday with Bex in Georgetown. Yowza. You can read my review of the woman here. My conclusion was that astrology (or at least the kind of astrology that is practiced on a Friday night in Georgetown) is complete and utter bullshit. I even bet $500 that this woman was full of crap, and $500 is a lot of money. So, did I believe anything that this woman told me? No, of course not. But for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about it. I don't remember a ton of what she said, beyond the fact that I'd be engaged within the year. C'mon. We all know this is not going to happen. But... what if? The problem is, I don't want to be engaged within the year. I like being single and want no part in marriage at this point in my life. Plus, if I got engaged right now, my sister would kill me! My parents are going to need a little time (like many, many years) to go through with another wedding.

I know it's weird that I just dedicated an entire post to the crackpot idea of astrology, but I guess I've just been thinking a lot lately about fate and God and what I believed. I've never been a big proponent of organized religion but I feel like it's time to make some decisions.

All I know is that now that I've mentioned astrology and religion in the same post I am most definitely going to Hell. But, hey, my horoscope is pretty accurate today:

You don't have to worry about following through on any of your awesome ideas today -- other people ought to pick up any slack you leave. If you spend all day thinking and gabbing, you'll be in heaven.

a plea.

I want all of you: my family, friends, and loyal readership, to do me a huge favor.

Never, ever, allow me to become this:

daily randoms.

1) HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARGO!!!!

2) Why on earth does it cost more to fix a camera than buy a new one? I mean really, that's ridiculous.... but hey, at least I got a brand spankin' new camera out of the ridiculocity.

3) I recently met a woman who solved Rubik's cubes for "fun." We were sitting on the metro and a guy was playing with one next to her. She asked him if she could see it for a second, and then proceeded to tell us that one of her good friends is in Guinness for solving one in record time. She starts to solve it, and finished it.... IN 2 METRO STOPS. By Foggy Bottom it was done. I've never seen anything like it. People were crowding around her and everyone cheered when she did it. Some other guy brought another cube to her but she was only able to get 3 sides of it before we got to our station. It was pretty incredible. This story brings up some questions:
1) How does one get "good" at solving a Rubik's cube, to the point that it's not "if" but "how quickly"?
2) Why on earth were there two people on the metro with Rubik's cubes?? I don't think I've seen one since 1997 and there were two on one metro car. Bizarro.
3) How can I learn to solve one? I mean, really. Best party trick. Ever.

4) Things are going really well at the store, it's just slow. Be sure to come by and visit me! I don't care if you don't buy anything... we just want some warm bodies in there.

5) I've become officially obsessed with bar trivia. I did it in Atlanta a fair amount and some Yelpers and I have started a weekly group up here. It's pretty fun, but definitely a shot to the ego. I'm determined to win something tonight, though! Come join us at the Tombs!

6) Next week is Restaurant Week. That means that next week I am going to be fat, broke, and gloriously happy. Yay.

cuteness.

I have been DYING for a pair of saddle shoes for about the past year. After the amaaazing Ferragamo's that I found didn't work out, I was heartbroken.

But have no fear, I have renewed my quest! I need your help to choose, though!

Option 1: These are Payless, only $15, but presumably really cheaply made

Option 2: They're greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Option 3: The classic Willett's. (about $65)

Option 4: I know, I know, they don't serve the same purpose in the slightest. But aren't they hot?

Ok, so vote!

more at twiigs.com...